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Title: Light a Match in a Dark Room...

[profile] ghani_atreides
Rating: PG
Word Count: 587
Disclaimer: If I owned this? Logan would have been dropped off on some lonesome highway, east of Omaha after the first fifteen minutes of show. I own nothing though, and thus this is for entertainment purposes only, no profit being made.
Summary: you don't appreciate what you could lose, until you realize you don't have it.


 She lays her head on his shoulder, her breath warm against his collarbone and he wishes it meant to her what it means to him. He wishes she’d reach up and wrap her arms around his neck, hug him tight so he could feel her heartbeat drumming a counter-rhythm to his own, like the ultimate metaphor to their very existence.
He wishes she’d give him something more, something that would make this more real. But there was the problem; this wasn’t real, not for her, at least not in the way it was for him. And once again there they were, so close in the same couch but miles apart just the same.
Sometimes he wonders if they weren’t better off before, when he wasn’t her friend and she wasn’t this close.
Perhaps he should do something about it, something like reach down and kiss her. Maybe that’d freak her out and she’d go back to hate him, as long as she hated him there was no reason for her to come back here looking for comfort.
Maybe if she wasn’t so close anymore he’d be able to breathe again.
Or maybe he was just losing whatever little mind he had left. Perhaps he should just sit and wait for it; it was bound to happen, she’d either get tired of it and walk away on her own; or she’d take notice of the oceans between them and decide to close the gap. Whichever way was fine with him, whatever her decision was he’d live with it.
Why was he always waiting for her?
It had been brought to his attention at some point, this nasty habit of his, this being several steps ahead of everyone else. Never until now had he seen such a skill as a disadvantage.
‘This is OC’s favorite TV show’ she whispers ‘and I still don’t understand why’ he clears his throat, smart-ass remark dying on his lips when she reaches down and tangles her hand with his, measuring the size difference, and it’s so innocent. Too innocent, his mind supplies.
He wishes he could kiss her hand, finger by finger and he wishes she were his, so he could do it without fearing possible bodily harm.
He wishes she had  never smiled at him in the first place (who’d have thought him so weak!); he wishes he couldn’t recognize that sparkle of acknowledgement in her eyes every time she looks at him. But then again he’d never been one to deny reality.
And this was reality, as real to her as it was to him. If it weren’t, then she wouldn’t keep coming back every night to watch TV in his couch, and drink cheap beer and laugh at the world they were born into.
He wonders if maybe this is how it begins. It is possible that this is how it all started with Logan so long ago. He wonders if this means it’s his turn now. Or maybe he just wishes it does.
He’d never been good at this wishing thing, he was a man of action, a man who made his own decisions and wishes were just that, mere ideas and hopes, dreams that were absolutely out of his hands. He was many things before Max, and now he is so much more. And less.
Max was good at restructuring his limits. And he was good at giving in to her. This whole situation was so utterly pathetic and yet, so very like them.
They were pathetic, apparently.

Date: 2007-07-21 07:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This was a nice insight into what Alec might have been thinking at pretty much any point during DA S2. Well, more later, but pretty much any time after PoP could be argued, I figure. Besides the point, I suppose, but still. This was a lot of fun to read.

I did have one slight editing note - I'm just anal about grammar, I guess.

Or maybe he was just loosing whatever little mind he had left.
"loosing" should be "losing," I believe.

Otherwise, it was fabulous. Thanks so much for sharing. :)

Date: 2007-07-22 08:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That is a very valid point, and yes, I think that this kind of thoughts might have grown more intrusive as time went by, until he reached a point where this happens. It would have been nice to see a little more inside Alec's mind, I think he was a great character and had so many possibilities. But alas, here's to wishful thinking.

Oh, thanks! I'm sadly beta-less at the moment, and there's only so many re-reads you can do on your own. Will fix it immidiately.

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Date: 2007-07-21 08:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
wow. this captures an insight into Alec's mind but with this sheer simplicity. i love it. i think the part about tangling the hands, comparing sizes was very effective, great job!! just a one shot? cause i would definitely read on ;)

Date: 2007-07-22 09:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you!

this captures an insight into Alec's mind but with this sheer simplicity

that is quite the compliment. I like that "simplicity" part particularly.

I think it's so intimate to hold someone else's hand, and it fit the mood, it made Max that much closer, literally within his reach, but at the same time so far away because of the reason why she's come this close to him.

Yeah, I'm not good with WIPs, but I have more M/A if you're interested. And yes, I do believe in self-pimpage.

Glad you enjoyed it!

Date: 2007-07-22 09:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Loved this. Great look into Alec's mind. Don't know when you've set it, but I'd put it somewhere post Freak Nation, because I can totally see Max warming to Alec as time goes on and Alec more than warming to her!

Date: 2007-07-22 09:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I can totally see that too, it would take a little gesture from Alec for Max to stop seeing him as Manticore, and that would be it. Because it would take to fall in love with Max for Alec to have that gesture. I think...

Maybe I should have given it a time-frame, but it does take place after FN, so I guess it works anyway, so.

And wow! three people have commented on this, maybe I should start posting in comms more often, don't you think?

Date: 2007-07-22 10:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ah, see, great minds think alike on the time frame.

Yes, definitely you should post in comms more often!


green_apples: (Default)
so green
...and she whispered close, can you hear the ocean? as she leaned her ear against a shotgun shell...

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